“Resistence and Conflicts, Learn to Resolve” by Kazmi Gul e Rukh

We begin with couple of million dollarsquestions:

Whatmakes you angry? What do you do in the state of anger? Can you think of arecent example when you get angry? How do you resolve conflicts without gettingangry?

Well, answers to these questions, fromdifferent people could vary a lot, but our objective is to find the most basic reasoningbehind the apparent happening in our behaviors.

Angeris a sturdy feeling of displeasure, associatedwith supposed unfair or threatening environmental demands that may be individual,relational or intercultural. It is a completely normal human emotion.Culturally we are taught to never get angry, as a result we never learn how toexpress anger.  To understand this hyperfeeling, we need to look at the types of people, expression of anger, whatreligions say about it and how can we manage it within ourselves. Let’s startwith Frustration that is annoyance and leads to anger. For example, if a childis opening and closing a cupboard again and again, that is the initial stage toescalates anger in mothers. Frustration is always associated with aggressionthat can be verbal or physical. A person who remain depress and keeps feelingsinside and it hurts continuously, this is passive behavior.

“And those who control their anger and who pardon others, verifyAllah loves those who do such good deeds. (” Verse 134 Ch :3)

Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) said, “The strong is not the one who overcomes peopleby his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in astate of rage.”

Angeris an emotion that kills internal energy, when it remains inside, it turns todepression and people start showing passive behaviors, this stuffing blows outone day, so it is my suggestion to deal with the anger when it is at low stage.

ImamGhazali says, “When you getangry, your wisdom is gone, so anger is knowns as wisdom robber.”

Wealthypeople must pay nothing to any consequences because they can cover up withwealth, some of us have very weak ego, for example husbands have more egos whenit comes to wives because this relationship is very fragile and little thingsfrom the partners hurt. Women, genetically find it hard to get out of feelingsthan men, their creation is like that, this gender is nurturer, but samequality becomes her weakness as well, women are not able to let go of the pasteven if present is happy, they may forgive but never forget. Men on the otherhand make quick decisions and solve the problems.

Allthe religions believe on negative forces including Islam, these negative forceshave effects on us and the way they affect us, they exploit our positiveforces. Emotions do not pop up, they are caused by something, they are notnecessarily caused by other person’s doing, it’sby how one perceives the things. There are three easy steps to ponder,Knowledge that how to respond, patience and forgiveness. Unfortunately,forgetting and forgiveness is the hardest part, frustration stores in the brainunless brain damages, nerve cells are gone so we never forget. True forgiveness is able to let go,when we seek forgiveness from God, He forgives but we do not.

Tounderstand anger, it is important to know conflicts. any clash, disagreementwithin oneself or between groups or nations with regards to ideas or opinions,needs, interest, feelings, beliefs and values is called conflict. It arises dueto differences or variations. It can be internal or external and start withcontroversies when one-person ideas, information’s, conclusions, theories andopinions are incompatible with those of another and the two seek to reach anagreement. For example, whom to blame for what is happening in AmericanPolitics? Which values should be selected for upcoming events? Or should wedefend feminism? All these questions are related with external conflicts whichare hard to resolve. Conflicts have effects on individuals like stress,anxiety, fear, depression, apathy. Upon family, there is breakdown ofcommunication, arguments, verbal or physical violence and relationship problems.Conflicts must be resolved before they do much damage to the person or thefamily environment, the longer it stays, the more difficult or sometimesimpossible to resolve. Effective communication skills are pre-requisite foreffective conflict and anger resolution. Always listen carefully and do notplan in your head a comeback, ensure you understand what is being said, do notassume or read between the lines, always be non-judgmental and do not assume.While resolving issues do not over react, pay attention to your emotionalresponse and acknowledge, think in your head how to best respond to minimizethe conflicts and anger. Make your intent clear.

Itis not easy to avoid conflicts, but handling is important. Try to avoid,accommodate the other person, learn to compromise, but compete your positiontoo and collaborate. By assuring a fair process, direct communication,accepting responsibility, focus on future, options for mutual gain may returnpositive environment. We all have different opinions, everyone has a right tohis/her opinion and there is no reason to figure out who is right or who is wrong,always state your opinions and reasons. We cannot resolve value conflictsbecause of strong religious beliefs about right and wrong, good and bad involvedin these. They may require knowledge, education to resolve.

Conflictsare not bad at all, it is not a problem, it is what we do with it, constructiveresolutions may give us many benefits

Alwaysask few questions before taking harsh steps in anger.

WhatI am feeling?

Whatdo I want to change? What is it likely to be in other shoes?

Whatare the other possibilities?

Howcan we work together and how can we win together?

Whateverwe learn, it will be valuable only if we practice, in the end only practicewill help to change, if it does not work, do not give up, practice and faithwill help anger control and conflict resolution.